Nothing like a bit of bondage to ignite your inner kink and get those juices flowing.
If this is something that is new to you, it may conjure up images of heavy BDSM encompassing whips, chains and maybe even testicle clamps administered by Eurotrip’s Madame Vandersexxx — with a safe word such as “fluggaenkdechioebolsen”.
Or maybe you think of the ever-popular erotic novel and movie Fifty Shades of Grey?
Whichever image comes to mind, we are not here to give you some BS idea of what bondage is not, but more importantly share with you what it is, where to start and what to use.
Here at Olivia Grey we believe one should be fully informed before getting too roped up in any new sexual venture.
Keep on reading to learn the ropes and get started!
What is bondage?
bondage
/ˈbɒndɪdʒ/
noun
“A sexual practice that involves tying up or restraining of one partner.”
Although this consensual practice is included in BDSM, which is divided into three subcategories — Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission and Sadism/Masochism — it differs slightly in that it can be the gateway for lighter more gentle BDSM-like explorations.
Cue some silk ties and a blindfold and you’re ready to go!
Bondage, like many other sexual practices such as the ancient Sanskrit texts of the Kama Sutra, has been the focus of many erotic novels and historic art pieces over centuries past.
Just look at Rembrandt’s Andromeda Chained to the Rocks from 1630 or some of Japanese Bondage artist Seui Ito’s illustrations.
People were downright dirty back in the day.
The release of the Fifty Shades of Grey novel back in 2011 took the world by storm, proving that bondage has been becoming more mainstream over the years.
It’s given women the opportunity to explore sexual fantasies around BDSM that they would maybe have never been exposed to previously or been honest about.
However, if you spoke to someone within the BDSM community they would tell you that the books portray an abusive and unhealthy relationship with unrealistic scenes, which is not an accurate representation of BDSM.
Regardless of this we do appreciate the awareness and de-stigmatisation it has brought.
| ”What one culture considers taboo, another considers commonplace. What’s certain is that erotica has been part of every civilization known to humans, as seen in erotic art dating back to Paleolithic time.” |
Why do people like bondage?
Because we are sexual beings and exploring this side of us is part of our human nature.
We are here to play!
Here are a few reasons why we like bondage:
- Play-struggling while being restrained can conjure up one helluva endorphin rush.
- It can make sex HOT or add another level of heat to your already hot sex life.
- It helps to unleash your inner kink and allows you to play out those dirty fantasies that have been making you oh so wet and hard.
- It adds a new kind of visual impact and stimulation to the mix.
- Allows you to live in the now.
- It can boost your self-esteem – who doesn’t look good in a rope?
- It can be a good workout – depending on what kind of bondage you engage in, it can help you get fit.
- It’s freeing, as contradictory as that sounds, as it allows you to be more open both physically and mentally.
- It can help you relax and get out of your head and into your body and it’s sensations.
- It’s a great way to feel young again and add some spice into the mix if you are feeling the effects of getting older.
- It can create deeper intimacy and connection with a partner.
| ”Studies have shown that 50 percent of people have tried some form of BDSM or another, including choking, handcuffs, or spanking.” |
Bondage for Beginners
Ever watch a movie with a somewhat erotic sex scene and feel your naughty bits maybe start to tingle or pulsate? There goes your pleasure signal for a potential sexual fantasy.
So many of us are too scared to admit to having these fantasies, firstly to ourselves and then to others.
It’s because we live in a society that has deemed certain sexual acts as taboo or “dirty”. Hell even having an active sex life can make you be seen as a “slut” or “playboy”.
People are always going to have opinions, especially if you don’t fit into their type-A pretty little vanilla box of what is seemly “right” or “normal”.
Here at Olivia Grey we say, to hell with the above idea, it all comes down to your intention. That’s the most important thing hands down.
Whether it’s around a sexual activity or general day to day living, if you are doing it from a place of love and respect for yourself then that’s power to you.
If you are doing something from a place of pain and destruction, then that will unfortunately not serve you and only lead to more pain further down the road.
So before you read any further, get clear on your intention and get ready to have some fun getting to know yourself and your partner even further.
We’ve put together a few top tips for those of you who are just starting out with couple bondage.
Communication and Consent
Firstly, this is the kind of activity you want to be doing with someone you trust. It doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you’re in a relationship with (although this is advised), but it should be someone you know well.
Before anyone gets tied up, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about where you head is at and what you feel is really going to turn you on and vice versa.
Most of the time it’s this very conversation that is hard to have as you’re not sure how your partner might react.
Try dropping some hints and testing the water by maybe reading some erotic fiction together or watching a movie. See how they respond and go from there.
You both need to talk about consent, what’s included within that, how far one can go or maybe when to stop.
It can be hard to know what you are comfortable with when you haven’t tried something before. You may really enjoy being handcuffed, but being blindfolded too is just a bit too much.
Go slow and explore each other’s boundaries and limits, it’s not a race to do the craziest stuff all in one go.
There will be some things you find utterly arousing and others that make want to vom, that’s ok, find what works for you and go with it!
Choose a Safe Word
Part of the communication and consent process is choosing a safe word.
In BDSM a safe word is something other than your usual “no,”don’t”, “stop” or any other word you’d usually use to tell someone you’re no longer enjoying the experience or it’s going too far. Because those words tend to be part of the play.
Try choosing something that wouldn’t usually come up in the context of sex, like a colour or vegetable.
By using the safe word that doesn’t have to mean that the play is over. It could just be stopping to loosen the ties or stretch out a cramp.
Make use of this word as it will help both of you feel safe, which will increase the trust you have together and allow you to explore your boundaries in a healthy way.
Keep It Simple
When you’re just starting out, the key is to keep it simple, there’s no need to bring in all kinds of equipment and tools.
You don’t want things to become overly intimidating, overcomplicated or distract from the enhancement of the activity.
Blindfolds are a great addition as they can add heightened sensations to the already juicy experience. They are also less intimidating as they usually come in softer materials like satin.
When you block someone’s vision this immediately heightens all of their other responses, making them even more sensitive to touch.
Best Bondage Toys For Beginners & Seasoned Veterans
Handcuffs
This is your number one tool for any bondage collection. For fashionable fetishists, these velvety-soft wrist restraints make a stylishly sexy addition to your bondage play.
Linked with a quick-release clip that can be linked to other leads and restraints, the Velcro fastenings are fully adjustable for comfort.
Rookie Needle Wheel
Nothing like a little bit of medical role-play to get you going.
The Needle Wheel or Wartenberg Pinwheel is ergonomically designed and the needle wheel is of metal alloy and nickel free for all of you who have sensitive skin.
Tease, torment and drive your partner into ecstatic bliss while using various pressures to create a variety of sensations.
| Fact: This tool is named after an actual doctor, neurologist Robert Wartenberg, who invented the tool to test skin sensitivity. |
Couples Toys
Blindfold
While there are a plethora of blindfolds out there to choose from, a simple sleek silk one is all you need.
Lose yourself in a heightened sensation with the satin-feel ‘No Peeking’ blindfold set.
Choose between two shades, his and hers or leave one at your partners’ house for your bedroom play.
This also doubles up as the perfect sleep mask, so feel free to keep it on after you orgasm your way into a deep sleep.
Blindfolds & Gags
Blindfolds & Gags
Japanese-style bondage rope
This is perfect for Shibari, an ancient form of rope bondage. There’s plenty of information, classes and books available on the practice, but even beginners can enjoy tying their partner up with the rope through a simple overhand knot.
Our gorgeously silky bondage rope by Fifty Shades Freed is a soft, luxurious, triple-twisted rope.
In a rich purple tone and a silky soft finish, this bondage rope is soft enough for beginners but long and sophisticated enough for more experienced players.
With 10 metres in total, you have ample opportunity to explore the art and finesse of rope bondage.
Breathable Ball-Gag
Bondage applies to the mouth, too. After tying up your partner place this comfortable breathable ball gag in their mouth as they enjoy whatever consensual pleasure you dish out to them.
The holes in our ball gag allow the user to breathe easily, reducing words to mumbles while allowing your moans to be heard clearer – truly something to enhance your sensual play to the next level.
Blindfolds & Gags
Blindfolds & Gags
Blindfolds & Gags
Bondage Tape
Don’t know your knots but want to have some bondage fun? Try some bondage tape!
Not only is bondage tape less expensive than most leather and rope bondage restraints, but with an entire roll of tape, you can afford to go to town on creativity.
Use this bondage tape to restrain your partner up against a bed frame, or if you’re feeling extra dirty, hogtie their limbs together.
This clever tape will keep your partner where you want them. It only sticks to itself and leaves no sticky residue.
Cuffs & Restraints
Nipple Clamps
Not for the faint-hearted! Take your play to the next level with our adjustable Alligator nipple clamps.
Be warned though that if you’re new to nipple clamps, which can provide intense pinching sensations, absolutely start out with an adjustable pair until you learn your pain threshold.
Our Alligator clamps adjust easily, they have coated tips for comfort, attached by a metal chain that dangles against the chest, customizable – pinch lightly or tightly, perfect for nipple play.
Couples Toys
Couples Toys
Riding Crop
Dole out some good ol’ dirty spankings with our Xdreamstoys Riding Crop, and keep your submissive obeying your every command.
Click here to start spanking asap
Couples Toys
Whips and Paddles
Our Top 4 Bondage Positions
Spread Eagle
This position is a great one for beginners as it’s fairly easy to get and stay into.
You don’t need to be a whiz at tying knots for this one or super flexible if you’re the one being tied up.
This one is a firm favourite because it leaves genitals and breasts accessible for penetration or stimulation.
This one can be done with your partner lying horizontally on the bed in an X shape. If you have posts on your bed, you can easily affix wrists and ankles to those to bind your partner to.
However, an under-the-bed style bondage restraint system is also perfect for getting someone into a Spread Eagle position.
The Kinky Missionary Position
Like your normal missionary except with a touch of kink. The person on the receiving end lies on their back, hands overhead and cuffed or bound to a headboard.
This one is great because anyone who already loves missionary position usually enjoys it because of the full-body contact and face-to-face intimacy.
This position allows these elements to remain, but with a touch of power play.
Hog Tie
Get into this position by starting on your stomach. Bind your partner’s arms behind their back and also bind their ankles. The ankles and wrists are pulled together, arching their back. This position leaves one feeling particularly vulnerable, which can be a huge, hard turn on.
Disclaimer: Hog tying can stretch someone’s limbs in a way that may be uncomfortable or even damage tendons/ligaments if you try to force a body into the position.
You can attempt a looser Hog Tie, which keeps your arms closer to your sides and doesn’t pull your body backward as far. Please proceed with caution!
The Wide-Open Position
As they say, leave the best for last, this position will have your toes curling and eyes watering, whether you are the one tied up or the one penetrating.
This one is so deliciously dirty you may just cum by looking at your partner in this position.
While your partner has their back down on the bed, have them spread their legs as far as they (comfortably) can and then put their hands as close to their legs/feet as they can without causing any discomfort: this will give you a great indication on how to restrain them.
Next, attach bondage tape to their wrists and then to their ankles or thighs. Use their naturally comfortable position as a guide.
Now they are spread wide open for business and you have full access to go all in.
Get Bonding!
Now that you have the 401 on bondage techniques and everything you need to get started, it’s time to go forth and explore your wildest fantasies in a consensual, safe and fun way!
Remember slow and steady wins the race so there’s no need to go all-in too quickly. As the old adage goes, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey getting there.
And in the case of bondage play, the journey is as delicious as the mind-blowing, toe-curling, nipple hardening destination!
Till next time,
Au Revoir
P.S. All of Olivia Grey’s products come in discreet packaging and we provide free delivery to all major centres in South Africa for orders over R750.
