Domination For Beginners: Fifty Shades Freed From Inhibition


Hey lovers, hope you are feeling on top of your day today…

I have a question for you: have you ever wanted to try dominating a lover? Some people are so inherently kinky that they gravitate towards their needs early and with ease. For others, their kinks grow within them until something prompts them to take the time the time to explore these desires. So if you have been developing a taste for ‘Topping’, but don’t quite know how to bring it out and how to explore it… here is your quick ABC of BDSM:


B is for Bondage. The acts of physically restraining your lover range from simply tying them up with existing home items like scarves, to basic bought items like handcuffs, to custom restraints specifically designed for bondage situations.

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D is for Discipline: This takes us to behavioural bondage – controlling your lover with rules and punishment. To discipline someone, you have to be a disciplined Master or Mistress yourself, with your rules set out beforehand. Discipline can mean controlling their behaviour when you are together, to doing it over phone and email, controlling other aspects of their life when you are apart.

S is for Sadism: This is NOT the same thing. A true sadist finds their arousal and their gratification in inflicting pain or distress. You do not have to be a sadist to enjoy BDSM, and just because you enjoy being a Top, does not make you as a sadist.

M is for Masochism: A masochist is someone who finds their pleasure in receiving physical and/or psychological pain. Do you get a little flushed at the thought of being tied up, or spanked, or humiliated or insulted? You’re probably more of a submissive and there is no shame in that! In an ethical Dom/sub relationship, the sub has the last word in everything! Which brings us to…

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SSC stands for Safe, Sane, Consensual, and is the cornerstone of good BDSM play.

Yes, this is a game… and games have rules. This is not to say that you will not be improvising as you go, spontaneity is next to sexiness after all, but the gist of everything you want to do must be discussed beforehand. NO SURPRISES PLEASE! Please read my post We Want Kinky Play: Where Do We Start? for more on how to plan out sexy playtimes.

Think of it as where foreplay starts; for many kinksters, the planning is part of the game, not something that hinders the play.


BLINDFOLDS can offer the essential element of mystery and surprise… and also keep those giggles at bay should first-timer nerves come into play.

RESTRAINTS come in many forms, from bondage tape and Velcro to ropes in soft materials like velvet and cotton, and then going into cuffs and chains. There are so many ways to tie or truss your lover, and you don’t have to be a champion knot-tier to explore them when you can buy quality items so easily.

GAGS can bring that real BDSM feeling, from the very sight of your little pet with a bar or an O-ring gag in their mouth. Being unable to communicate verbally means that they use their bodies and facial expressions more, which can be very exciting. Top tip: hey lady, don’t have a ball-gag? Just stuff your panties in his mouth. Delicious!

IMPLEMENTS are essential, of course! Paddles and floggers are the softest, to begin with. They are simple to wield and to control. After that, you can move on to crops and whips and the plethora of stunning strikers on the market. Start with the easiest… there is a lot to learn, and lots of adventure ahead.

Enjoy the journey.

It leads to lots of orgasms, I promise!

Till sext time,


PS: Advice? Input? Leave it in the comments box, we love to hear from you!