Penis Pumps: Get Some Trunk In Your Junk

Penis Pumps: Get Some Trunk In Your Junk

Hi Dudes, what’s up? If you can’t ever make the obvious joke “my dick lol” then this is the blog post for you.

Firstly: we have to put this out there: you don’t need an erection to have a great time in bed.  There are plenty of techniques and toys that can help you to drive your partner wild; just read more of our blog posts (like this one) for proof of that! No, you don’t need an erection for any other reason than… you want one. And luckily we have a thingie-majingie that can help the hell out of you!



Contrary to how many people treat it, this is not a joke or a gag gift. This ‘toy’ may well become your favourite appliance. Penis pumps are devices designed to treat erectile dysfunction (ED). Some of them do look a bit space-age, like something Daft Punk may think of wearing… except not on their heads. Well, not on their top heads.

You know what I mean.

A penis pump is a cylindrical tube which is placed over the penis to aid erection. Air is pumped out of the cylinder, creating a vacuum that draws the blood into the shaft, causing the penis to swell. That glorious hard-on can then be maintained by slipping a cock-ring around the base, to prevent the blood from flowing back out.


Like any muscle, you gotta keep it flexing, so look at your pump as a piece of gym equipment and using it, as a regular exercise routine. Manufacturers say that it can increase penis size but we certainly can’t guarantee it. You can get a small increment of increased penis size, but the point is that your erections are easier to attain and maintain!

There are three types of penis pumps:


WHOA, NELLY! IS THIS penis pump thing SAFE??

As with any sex accessory, use with a clear head and a modicum of caution. No drunken experimenting! Be cool, be sober, be of chill disposition, to avoid any possibility of bruising or painful erections. Occasionally, you may see slight bruising around the base of the penis pump (where it is pressed against the body), but as you get used to using it daily, you work it out.

This is meant to be fun. It is meant to feel GOOD. Using a penis pump is an excellent way of augmenting your erection in a drug-free way, but…

Do not use a penis pump if:

  • You are taking blood thinners
  • Suffering from sickle-cell anaemia
  • Have any blood disorders at all

Speak to your doc if:

  • You have had ED treatments in the past
  • You have had any injuries or surgical interventions which involve your penis, testicles or prostate
  • You are on specific ED medications

Related: Hard-On Hacks For Great Sex With Erectile Dysfunction

Penis pumps have faaaaaar fewer side effects than other treatments, and risks and side effects are waaaaaaay lower than medication and surgery. Once the initial purchase has been made, using a penis pump is much cheaper than buying medication, and far more fun.

So, Friend, no need to look so down: let’s get you fitted!

Big love

Olivia Grey

1 thoughts on “Penis Pumps: Get Some Trunk In Your Junk

  1. Pingback: Sex To Rival Guy Fawlkes: Let Your Fireworks Fly!

Comments are closed.